StreetlightsPeople Presents: Worst Of The Oscars

Much time and thought has gone into this.
What is the worst thing about this idiotic media frenzy?
When you see the images, ask yourself this...
"What is that hair creeping up her chest?"
Yes, that is a plastic surgery joke... Think about it.
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I Have Seen The Future Of Belt Buckle Technology

This was found through a Google Adsense ad right here on this blog. I Have never typed this word, but here goes-- BLING!

Elvis would wear one of these belt buckles, were he still living on this particular planet.

Yup, the belt buckle flashes messages in glowing red or blue LEDs and is surrounded by honest-to-goodness fake diamonds. If it streamed a stock ticker, this belt would be perfect. Sadly, It only displays six scrolling messages of 256 characters. Awwwww...

I'd be tickled skinny to have one of these babies. Twenty eight bucks wholesale- Is it worth being a retail buyer?

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A Chrome version is found HERE

FEZ Monkey Organ-Grinder Belt Buckle

It can be kinda tough to run across something REALLY COOL on ebay. The things I find that are really cool are overpriced- Except this.. A belt buckle with the head of a monkey wearing a fez.

You just can't put a price on love.

Link:
The same guys also have this
and this

I sure am easy to shop for.

You Asked For It

I've had a number of requests to do a mobile version of this blog. II have no Idea how to do this, but I've slung something together. Time will only tell if it works out. If anybody knows anything about this sort of stuff, please let me know.

Here's the Link - put it in your phone, I guess.

The link doesn't seem to want to work from a regular browser.
http://winksite.com/thompat/street
is what you should put into your phone.

Later...
---It is official. Winksite is too much of a pain in my ass. Any suggestions for a frequently updated rss feed to a mobile device? I'm stumped.
Much Later...
Not a good hobby for a drinker.

Seiko Digital watch on Ebay

I was just thinking about how cool it would be to pick up a couple of old digital watches. I'm always breaking regular watches, and i thought that a sporty digital would be nice.

Here is where I was wrong: Those cheezy 70's and 80's watches are really expensive these days. Check out this auction, for example:

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I dove into the LCD watch scene for a few minutes today. Here is another whopper that I came across. Be sure to read the description. It is refered to as "the chosen one."

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I also found the timepiece de resistance- A 14 Carat Gold Pulsar LED watch.

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GMail, Anyone?

If anyone wants GMail Invites, just send me an email. I think I've given them to everyone I know.

-TPB
After handing out a number of these invites, my number remaining keeps on jumping up to 50. If you can think of ANYONE who might want one, just point them to this page. Remember that you can use Gmail(at least for the moment) as an external drive.
Here's HowTO: Link

W.T.F.????

Ok.. Here's the rub... I was getting about five hundred hits a day for quite some time. Not bad for a jackass. I stopped posting to see what would happen and the hits dropped to--- get this-- fifteen per day.

What in the hell is going on? I got close to seven hundred folks visiting this blog today! I posted stuff the other day and visitors started to increase, but I didn't think that it would go that high. Are you people drunk?

Is it raining where you live? Don't you have anything better to do? Does your boss know what you are doing on the clock?

I'm just some jackass! Stay the hell away from me! Focus!

Columbo: Kindred Spirits Or Spirits Kinda Kindred

Let's take a ride in the WayBack Machine-- I lived in a little town called Byron Bay, NSW, Australia At the time, the population was aroound fifteen hundred, but "the man" came in, built a bunch of resorts. The town I lived in is now, by all measures, GONE thanks to such cute little mom and pop companies like Club Med.

My anger aside....

As a homesick lad, I would go to a bar every afternoon and watch Columbo. It was my only resort that was a compromise between my desire for American culture and the Aussie desire to get piss drunk at two in the afternoon.

OK-- My arm was not twisted. Columbo still kicked ass. He had the bad eye, the rumpled shirt and the ability to annoy the hell out of people. I don't understand why I like the show so much.

Yes, that was sarcastic.

There's just this thing- My wife talks about it all the time... She hates it when....

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Blogger Pisses Off Telemarketer-Hilarity Ensues

I love Telemarketers. I'm also a big jerk. I keep them on the telephone for as long as possible by feigning interest and asking stupid questions. The more time that they are on the phone with me, the less money they make. Like I said- I'm a jerk.

Over the past few weeks, I've been getting bunches of calls from some Indians informing me that I'm eligable for a government grant for anywhere from $3000 to $25,000. these guys are great. The first time that they called, I asked what I could use the money for. The guy said that I could only use the money for good.

"Like opening a coffee shop?"
"Yes, Like a coffee shop."
I told him that I didn't like coffee, but had been thinking of selling drugs to school children.
"No. you cannot sell drugs to children."
"But it makes more sense to sell to the kids- I could build my own market and end up getting a better return on my Grant money. Simple economics, friend."
"NO! You MUST use the money for GOOD! Not for evil!"
"How about opening a coffee shop? You know how to run an espresso machine?"
*click*

That was good fun. I pissed the guy off and I walked away with a warm fuzzy feeling.

This morning, I got another call. This time it was a young lady on the phone. I just kept on asking her to repeat herself and she finally hung up.

About an hour later, the phone rang again. some Indian guy telling me that I was going to get a grant... blah, blah, blah.
I kept asking him to repeat himself. I asked him to speak more slowly. the guy got fed up with me rather quickly. Robilee just happened to pick up the telephone at the exact moment when the guy snapped.
Here is what she heard:
Indian guy: Your Mother weel be fucked tonight.
Me: I'm sorry?
IG: I weel be coming to your house this evening and fucking your mother.
Me: You are going to have to speak more slowly.
IG: I weel be at you house tonight for fucking your mother and your wife.
Me: I can't understand what you are saying, man. You are gonna have to speak more clearly.
IG: Your daughter. Your beautiful daughter. I weel be fucking her tonight.
Me: My doctor? What about my doctor?
(This is when he went completely off his curry-eatin' nut)
IG: YOU LEEV AT (gives my address) AND I WEEL BE COMING OVER TONIGHT TO FUCK YOUR MOTHER YOUR WIFE AND YOUR DAUGHTER!
Me: That's my neighbor's house.
*click*

I can't wait for them to call back. I'm jotting ideas down on notecards and leaving them beside the telephone. Any suggestions?

Update:
Tomorrow, I've decided to record a murder scenereo with the lovely Miss Robilee. Yup- complete with gunshots. This will be played for the next overseas telemarketer. Is this illegal?

I'll cry wolf to the poor bastards. Overseas 911 calls are expensive, aren't they?

Lifehacker: Cool or Creepy?

I've been chumming through this website for some time. It is chock full of tips and tricks for making life a little easier and more productive. I appreciate that to no end.

Here's the creepy part: It is sponsored by SONY. It even has a logo in the page header. That creeps me out just a bit. The other thing that creeps me out are the ads that pop up for a split second and vanish. I don't know if this is a result of my Firefox browser or if they are experimenting with subliminal ads.

The other option is that SONY is a warm-hearted, family company and they are looking out for my best interest.

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The Rasterbator Rocks

Here is a net-based app that Rasterizes any image and returns it to you in .pdf format for you to print. A really cool toy for printing HUGE images. Think of the fun you could have plastering buildings and office breakrooms!!!

They also offer a standalone for you to run on your PC if you don't like waiting on their que.

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White-Bread Printing Woes

This may sound odd, but I'm trying to transfer images to bread. After trying pretty much everything under the sun, I've come up with diddley. Anybody have any ideas?

Hacking Children's Books

So this is one of the greatest things I've seen in a long time. This guy hacked a "Golden Book." He managed to turn it into something eerie and despicable.

You cannot imagine my horror, however, when my eyes met pages filled with saccharine, pastel artwork depicting cold-eyed androids that were clearly not of our realm. In a Beautiful Mind moment of schizophrenic clarity I saw the book for what it was: not a gentle introduction to life's most profound curiosity, but a primer for the parasitic offspring of an invisible invasion!

For the safety of our race (if any still remain) I have translated this book in the hopes that a resistance may arise. Read the baby powder scented Final Solution of our enemies from beyond, otherwise known as: The Cuddly Menace

Beauty in Fear.

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