I Thought NASCAR Had Already Sold Out

It seems I was wrong. When Cartoon Network and Viagra were on the same track, I assumed that NASCAR adverts had hit the roof of strangeness. It seems that Anti-smoking scumbags, Nicorette have joined the gang of racers known for chewing tobacco, drinking beer, watching cartoons, listening to KISS and eating viagra.

Let's hope that the beer takes hold before the viagra and these morons don't make little morons.

Product placement is where it is, my friends!

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Gone Too Far

She is dressed up like some Japanese Anamation character and has a streaming site. She kooks me out to no end.

I can't sleep after watching this. Days have passed and she still sits in a little browser window with her big eyes on her fake face. She haunts me like a chainsaw killer. I must find new meds to help me deal with this.

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Crispin Hellion Glover's Feature Film

To be released at Sundance, the long-awaited Crispen Glover film, What Is It? has so far flown under the radar of mainstream media. Not a shocker, really.

The movie seems to be about Glover turning some guy into an invertebrate and generally acting like.... Himself.

I can't wait to see it. The Trailer is great.

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Blogger Finally Finds Barber

I finally found a barber today. I've been looking for a good barber since Jimmy Taglioni's barber shop burned in Savannah, Ga. My dear friend Christian an I would g et Craig Kilbourne-esque hair-do's at Jimmy's while drinking beer and smoking cigarettes. It was a proper barber shop with proper rules. Drink, smoke and sit your ass down while you get a bustass haircut.

I found a new guy here in Asheville--- His shop is behind a bar and a tattoo shop. He was asleep in a barber chair with an out-of-date magazine over his face when I arrived. The floor hadn't been swept in days. The barber chairs had ashtrays built into the arms.

I was is heaven.

Got a bustass haircut out of the deal, too.

It has been brought to my attention that I was the only one sporting the Craiggers Hair-Do. My friend Christian insisted on looking like a DipShit. Thanks for straightening me out on the details.

"I'm On Morphine," Says Juror

Beautiful story, short and sweet about a bad jury pool in Memphis, Tennessee. Every Jackass in the city cot called into the pool, it seems. This pool was poetry in motion.
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Blogger Wow'ed By VOIP

I've been spending around a hundred bucks in long distance each month. The home office is somewhere in Minnesota, I've got friends all over the place and Robilee talks to her god-daughter for a couple of hours each Sunday. It gets expensive.

I picked up the Vonage service this morning- Their twenty five dollar a month plan will save me seventy five bucks on long distance.

Vonage was no problem to set up- Plug in power, plug in ethernet and plug in a phone. Bing, Bang, That's it.

Calls are clear and long distance is free.

If you've got broadband, I suggest you give it a whirl- they've got a referral program, if you are interested, Email me and You can get a free month.

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Album Cover Zen

One of my favorite places on the web is Chaos Kitty's Web Zen. Always something strange, informative or just plain freaky. The Current episode is Album Cover Zen. The Last episode was Album Zen I discovered some great music from the album zen. Be sure to check both of them out.
Link:web zen current
Link: Web Zen Album Zen

Blogger IS, In Fact Idiot!

After weeks of reviewing music for the ol' ipod, it hit me

I'm a damned IDIOT!

I've been trying to find cool music via I-Tunes. Sure-- I picked up The Bad Livers and a couple of John Hartford albums... Where are the Fugs? Where are the Germs? Where in the hell are The Mentors?

give me a link

Fox: No Superbowl Ass-Shot For Former Child Star

The first good move FOX TeeVee has ever made- They won't let Mickey Rooney's bare ass grace the television screen.

The long and short is this: Somebody is selling something and Rooney's ass ends up in the commercial. I don't know what it is. Don't care. Rooney ass is bad.

Would you buy a product endorsed by droopy old buttocks? I hope not.

Blogger Has No Comment: Copies and Pastes Entire Article

Cut and pasted from the original story.
What the HELL?
Masturbating boys cause a stir
07/01/2005 12:24 - (SA)
Click here
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Riot Hlatshwayo and Glacier Nkhwashu

Tzaneen - Sexily-dressed women in a small Limpopo town have fallen prey to a group of teenage street kids that masturbate in public whenever they see them.

One woman, 24-year-old Gloria Shingange, had an embarrassing moment on Thursday when the boys drooled over her at the Tzaneen Mall because she was wearing a mini-skirt.

"They followed me around the mall with their hands inside their trousers. I walked out of the mall and when I stopped at the robot next to the Tzaneen police station they shouted saying I was attractive," Shingage said.

She said the boys took out their penises and started masturbating in full view of everyone while groaning in ecstasy.

Cops just laughed

"One of them said my legs were sexy. He then closed his eyes, grimaced and shouted at the top of his voice in apparent enjoyment of what he was doing," said Shingange.

"He held up his penis for everyone to see and started masturbating," she added.

"I was very embarrassed. They stopped traffic and all eyes were on me."

Shingange's embarrassment was however not going to end there.

The incident sent police officers at the Tzaneen station into stitches as she tried to open a case of public indecency.

The police allegedly refused to open a case, claiming that the street kids didn't commit any offence because they didn't touch her.

"They told me straight in the face that they were not taking my complaint because I wasn't raped," said Shingange.

Mopani police spokesperson Superintendent Moatshe Ngoepe said he wasn't aware of the matter.

"This is an act of public indecency and cannot be tolerated," Ngoepe said.

"Anyone who tries to open a case of any kind at a police station and finds no help must not leave the station without speaking to the station commissioner," he added.

Some people however have a different view.

Vegetable vendor Mthavini Khoza said she condoned the boys' action.

"These boys are doing the right thing because their actions are likely to reduce the tendencies of wearing 3cm (sic) skirts in public and embarrass every woman," she said.

"I wish they rape them one day so they may start respecting their bodies," Khoza said.

One of the boys, a 14-year-old whose name cannot be revealed because of his age, had no qualms to speak about the incident.

"I feel very happy after masturbating next to a woman with beautiful legs and wearing see-through clothes," the boy said.

"There is no girl out there who wants a filthy glue-sniffing street kid so the only way to relieve our sexual appetite is to masturbate," he explained.
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Holy Crap! I'm at a loss for words!

Who Is Cody?

I know only one Cody. He was a damn good bartender back in Savannah, Ga. He turned to NASCAR and I haven't heard from him since. I did a Google Image Search for "Cody" to find out what other Codies looked like.

This Cody seemed to be the biggest schmuck out of the bunch.

At least there are some cute girls who hang out with his friends.

Link To Google Search
Link To Schmuck

Buy My Crap

I keep on forgeting to blog the fact that I've got a Cafe Press site with Robilee's "Lulu" Character, My "art," Dwain Johnson Merch and a mug with a picture of me and a midget. Shame on me. Shame on me.

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Fun With Drunks

Ebaum's World Is hosting pictures of what jerks have done to drunken, passed out friends. Pretty funny, but not safe for the cubicle at work.

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Pirate Museum Opens- Noone Under 18 Allowed Inside

...Because of all the "Booty." Hardy Har Arrrrrr!
I've never been to Key West. I've finally got a reason to head down that way-- Yes, a Pirate museum has opened! It looks like they've got everything I'd ever want to see!

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Never Be Broke Again

Instructions on how to make a Wallet out of twenty One Dollar Bills. Hip. Happenin'. Just don't loose it.

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Looking For Work?

There is a job opening in Baghdad. I think that we should all apply.

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Jeb Bush says Florida Hurricanes Pale In Comparison To Tsunami

In related news, Jeb Bush is a dumbass.

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Aid Flight Delayed in Indonesia After Plane Hits Cows

I don't know how many of you have travelled in Indonesia, but this didn't surprise me a bit. A 737 flying into Aceh hit a herd of cattle that was hanging out on the runway. I don't understand why the Indos don't notice stuff like that. "Flight 902, could you hold on for a minute. We've gotta clear the cattle off the runway." That's all it would have taken to avoid the accident. Instead, the tower just said, "Flight 902, You are clear for landing, but you'll encounter a little turbulance about halfway down the runway."

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Chump Breaks into House, Shoots Self In Leg

So this guy broke into someone's house, armed with a gun and a hatchet. The folks were home, so he did what anyone would do- He held them hostage, forced the husband to play the piano, asked them to order a pizza and then, while playing with his gun, shot himself in the leg.

What a genius.

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Concrete TV

Yankees invaded my brain and transposed video imagry and music. This is what it is like living in my head. Watch and pity me, but only if you have high-speed and there are no kids around... For miles.

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